I think the biggest emotions for me in this crazy rollercoaster of Crohn’s and complications has been frustration.
My personality is I want to conquer everything and I want it done yesterday but quite frequently my body throws a huff and then things don’t go to plan and it feels like one step forward and three steps back. This week I am down with another infection, off work sick for a few days and feeling the frustration.
I get frustrated when I have so much hospital time, when I have to cancel plans, when I’m not well enough to work and when things that were so easy before seem nearly impossible now.
I’m stubborn so I do push myself a lot to have a new “normal” but with that comes a loss is identity. I am not the same person I was even last year. Recently I got reminded that illness can take some things away from me but I am still a daughter, a sister, a teacher, a friend amongst other things and no illness can change that.
Some days I realise that my illness has opened new doors. I never imagined I would be filling out UCAS to apply for uni next year and I wouldn’t have met some amazing people.